01 August 2014

lets talk about the last time I was woken up by a bat

It was last Saturday.

I heard something in the middle of the night and thought I was dreaming. I sat up, wiped my eyes and went into the bathroom to splash my face with water. I went to lay down when I heard the noise again. It was a screeching noise. I squinted to see if I could make out anything in the dark, and I saw a black blob on my window screen. I even thought, 'it's probably a bat, but he's outside and he'll leave soon...' (I was still delirious...had I been more awake, I wouldn't have been as nonchalant). And then I saw a black blur fly to the corner of the room and realized that the blinds were almost completely drawn...the blob couldn't be outside. It all clicked in my head and that's when I FREAKED THE FREAK OUT.

I ran into the other room, closed the door and ran through the rolodex of people I could call at 4:30 in the morning for help. But my phone was in the other room. The dumb bat room. The 500 square foot bat room. I opened the door, turned the hallway light on and peeked into the other room. It was for sure a bat. HANGING UPSIDE DOWN in typical bat fashion from the valence. (Insert dry heave here).

I tiptoed to the table, grabbed my phone and scurried back into the safe room. I called my mom with panic in my voice and explained the situation. She lovingly reassured me that the bat was more scared of me than I was of it (I sort of doubt it), and advised that I grab my things and make a bee line for the door and drive home. I WAS TERRIFIED. But there was no other way - this stupid bat was holding me captive. So I stuck a towel over my head, in order to compromise my peripheral vision, and made my way into the hallway. At that very moment the bat flew right by me...at eye-level, you guys! And my body let out this shriek/cry thing that I didn't even know I was capable of making and I  ran back to my room and convinced my mom that I would likely be killed in a vengeful bat attack and could she tell my family I loved them and all that other sort of stuff you say.

Then, I went for it. I ran fast...like Usain Bolt fast. I grabbed my purse and keys and quickly opened the door and slammed it behind me. I was safe...and alive!!

I'm not being over-dramatic or anything...I know.

And when I got outside and into my car, I looked around and noticed how the whole world looked like a scene from the Dracula movie. Green skies, low fog, black outlines of trees in the sky. As I drove home, I was stopped at a light. I looked up as I waited for the light to change and saw two bats fly overhead. They flew toward each other, went through some sort of brief exchange and then turned around and flew away from each other. I'm still convinced it was my apartment bat's friends who got word of his zany adventures in my tiny apartment and were high-fiving each other in the name of solidarity of all bat-kind. Right in front of my face. Jerks.

A few hours later, I called my landlord who saved the day by going into my apartment and coaxing the bat out the window. He watched as the bat flew away into the woods nearby. I think I've called him at least four times since that day to come in and double check that he's bat-proofed my place properly. I'm sure I'm known as 'bat girl' or something in the leasing office...which is actually a pretty cool nickname, if you ask me...

Just sayin'.

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