29 February 2012

hello emily, this is your future calling

Here I sit... 25 years, 3 months, some odd days old and

completely clueless.

The mystery of it all is great, uncertainty and all that, I know it's par for the course. I know there's some beauty or something in not knowing what the future holds, but a little inkling, or a little push in some direction would be a teensy bit helpful, life.

And then today, this very day,  I realized that I'm not sure it's up to life to push me in one direction or another. It just might be up to me to pick myself up by my bootstraps {although, I'm not wearing boots at the moment} and just forge on ahead in a direction. If that doesn't work, well then, I'll just have to change course. I've spent the last two years since graduating college hoping that something will come my way and magically provide an answer as to where I'm supposed to go. But now I know, I don't quite think it happens that way. I cannot begin to think of all the people I've known or have heard of that are my age and in the very same boat. There should be some sort of 12-step program to figuring this whole mid-20's thing out, because it ain't easy, ya know?

So I think it just might mean back to school I go. I've missed the days of post-it notes, and using colorful pens to doodle in the margins.

1 comment:

  1. so I first off LOVE that you are taking this blog to another level. Second.... I want to say that it is up to you to push yourself. As hard as it is somedays, when my kids act up or I do not want to be here .. I keep telling myself and pushing myself to be better. I feel like it is a guessing game, and I am guessing right now what to do my masters in. I know that teaching is here and now, but what about in the future... this is where I feel we are in the same boat... being confused hits me everyday, and still to this day I question do I really LOVE what I do or do I just keep telling myself that I love it... Then I had to take a step back and ask myself .. would I be able to live without this and the answer is NO. I love the kids and what I do .. and even on the shittiest days ( sorry for the language) I have to push myself into tomorrow.... IT WILL WORK FOR YOU - I have all Faith that you will find something that you LOVE and it makes everyday worth while.